Update

Sorry I haven't written for a while! We've been really busy over christmas and the new year but everything has settled down again now. Connor is back to school. He still cries every morning when I drop him off but I have been to speak to his teacher this afternoon and she says that as soon as I have left he settles down and is fine. Whenever I ask him why he cries he says that he would just rather be at home with me then at school. He always says that nothing bad is happening at school, none of the other children are bothering him and his teacher says that he is doing really well with his class work, he's having no problems keeping up or anything. So I don't know what else to do really, other then just continue to take him to the class room door, kiss him goodbye and walk away from him. It's very hard leaving him crying all the time but I think that his teacher is very good with him. I've never had a direct conversation with her about Connor being a HSC because I don't feel that I know enough about it myself yet to talk about it confidently, but she seems to understand a lot of how he needs to be treated instinctively. There was a good example today. The children were painting in class and Connor saw some of the other kids put their hands in the paint and make handprints so he did it too but the teacher was not impressed because they made quite a mess! She told them that they shouldn't have been doing it and when Connor told me about it I thought 'oh no, he must've gotten really upset'. I asked him what happened next. He said that he said sorry straight away and then the teacher told him he was a good boy for saying sorry and left it at that. This is just what needs, because he is so sensitive he can tell straight away if he has done something that has made some one unhappy, and he doesn't like it. Just realising that he has done something 'wrong' is enough to check him and make him not want to do it again a lot of the time (not so much at home with me when he's tantruming, but then he has to let it out somewhere, and far better at home then at school!) and getting a telling off would have really upset him. She's obviously recognised this and instead has praised him for being brave enough to say sorry straight away, which would have taken some effort for him. It's great to now that he has a teacher like this, especially for his first year at school.

Poem

Came across this poem today, it explains exactly how I feel about Connor and what I am trying to do for him:

To My Son
By Bruce B. Wilmer

I look to you with hope and pride;
I see your future brightly.
Your deep concerns and aspirations
I will not take lightly.

The future is a mystery
That everyone explores.
I'll share your possibilities,
Embrace your distant shores.

I'll answer you when questions stir,
Encourage you, implore you.
But life's a challenge shaped by dreams,
A gift I can't live for you.

So live it well; respect it fully;
Play your spirit out.
Seek and then discover
All the best that life's about.

Remember that you're not alone
-My love is always there.
The challenge that defines your life
My heart will gladly share.

You're on a voyage into time,
A trip to somewhere new.
You may not always see me there,
But I'll be there with you

A little break through, I'm so proud!

Connor has just told me that they watched a dvd of 'The Polar Express' at school yesterday. It's a film that we have at home but when we tried to watch it he got very upset because there is a part where on of the children can't find their ticket and is threatened with being thrown off the train. He also found the noise of the steam train a bit much too. So anyway, he told that they watched it at school and I asked him how he found it, and did it upset him? 'Mum!' he said, rolling his eyes at me 'I'm 5 now!! I just covered my ears for the loud bits and covered my eyes at the sad part. The rest was fun!'

So yes, he is the one child sitting in the classroom covering his eyes and ears through what is supposed to be a very innocent and heart warming christmas film, but the lovely thing is that he DID sit and watch it, he understood that something that unsettles him can still be fun if he perseveres with it and best of all whilst I'm sitting at home trawling the internet and reading books desperately trying to find ways to help him deal with life, he's gone off and figured it out for himself! I'm really proud of him and feeling encouraged today.

Also, the book 'The highly sensitive child' which is mentioned in the link I posted earlier arrived this morning. I've only had a brief flick through it so far, but already I have found myself saying over and over 'that's exactly how I feel'!!

Schools out!

Today was the last day of school until after the new year and I have to say both Connor and I are glad of it. He's not been very settled at school lately. He was fine when he started in September, but the last few weeks he has cried every time I drop him off and it's a real strain leaving him like that every day. The teacher tells me that he calms down very quickly and is fine for the rest of the day, but it's still hard. I think tiredness is at least partly to blame, he's doing full days at school now and these last few weeks have been hectic with all the christmas events. I think thats another thing too, Con loves his routine and is happiest when everything is predictable and he knows what to expect. The normal routine has been out of the window lately. PE lessons cancelled because the hall is being used for plays and concerts, having to stay inside at play times because of bad weather, parties and non-uniform days etc, which are fun, but not what he expects of school. It's all unsettling for him.

Another thing which is sad is that we found out today that the teaching assistant from Connor's class wont be coming back after christmas, she is moving away. She's a lovely, motherly lady who Connor has really taken to and feels comfortable with and on days when he is feeling a bit wobbly she tends to be the one to give him close attention whilst the teacher is with the rest of the class. She's one of those teachers who will not refuse a child who wants to sit on her lap or have a little cuddle, regardless of what the offical guidelines are. He doesn't seem bothered at the moment that she is leaving, but I think he hasn't really thought it through, it seems like ages to him until he has to go back to school and I'm sure he will really miss her when he goes back in January. It takes him a long time to get comfortable with people and even if the new TA is equally approachable and lovely, he is still going to have to form the new bond.

But still, we'll worry about that later, for now we are excited for christmas and looking forward to having lots of fun and spending lots of time together over the holidays.

Starting out...

My husband and I have know for a while now that our eldest son Connor, who has just turned 5, is different in some ways to other children his age. He is very often anxious, gets easily distressed or overwhelmed and gets really unsettled by any change or anything unexpected. After searching on the internet for ideas and ways that we might be able to help him feel more comfortable and secure we came across the concept of the Highly Sensitive Child, and it all made so much sense to us, we feel sure that Connor is one of these children. Here is a link to a page which explains more about the concept:

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm

I have found quite a lot of information on the net about what it means to be highly sensitive, and how to tell if your or your child is highly sensitive, but there doesn't appear to be much information out there on how to encourage and support these children, so I thought I would start a blog explaining our experiences in the hope that it might be helpful to some people. I'm not in any way a medical professional or an expert on this, I've only just discovered it, all I am is a mum trying my best to help her son be confident and happy, and to find the joy in life!

Please feel free to leave messages, opinions and comments, hopefully we will all be able to help each other out.

Oh, and just some personal information so that you know who you are talking too! My name is Rhea, I am 27. My husband kevin is 27 as well. We have Connor who has just turned 5 and his little brother Sam who will be 2 in February and who is the complete opposite in personality to his brother...fearless and adventerous and a real little whirlwind!! We live in the suburbs of London. Kev works in town and I am a stay at home mum and also studying for a degree from home too.